Sex Q&A With Rita G. - Part II |
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reader questionHey Rita G.,What?s a good dirty-talk phrase that will work on every woman? Darryl D., Washington, D.C. rita's responseDarryl,Since most men are born with a bigger sexual vocabulary than women, it's probably more helpful if I tell you what not to say: For instance, my friend overheard her husband watching porn (not a problem), and later that night, during sex, he started repeating exactly the same phrases the guy in the porn was using -- that's a problem! I got my Ph.D in talking dirty, and I can tell you that no one phrase works for every girl because you don't want to be formulaic. What works is when you just give yourself permission to say what you're already thinking, but be descriptive enough (what, where, why, and who) so she knows why her round, perky tits drive you wild -- not just any tits. For example, say, "I wanna explode every time you touch my penis like that," or "Your ass looks so juicy! Can I have a bite?" And if you want to inspire some reciprocity from your mate, pick up a book of erotic poetry (like my friend Billie Simone's book, suite 69) and get each other aroused by reading the lusty words together, then try writing your own. You'll be well on your way to learning the language of "naughty." Rita G. reader questionDear Rita G.,Is there one thing men should be less shy about in the bedroom? Allan M., Tampa Bay, FL rita's responseAllan,That's funny. Personally, I haven't really known a man to be shy about anything in the bedroom. However, I know plenty of women who would tell men not to be shy or hesitant about oral sex. I find most men are eager to nibble on that one-of-a-kind entree when there's more of an emotional attachment going on. And even in those circumstances, they admit to being meticulously concerned with the appearance, smell and taste, which makes perfect sense -- I've seen some pussies that hurt your eyes just to look at 'em. Just like food, we rarely want to eat something that looks disgusting. So tell your lady friend that keeping her pussy well groomed, clean and smelling fresh will ensure that you never shy away from giving her this pleasure. Rita G. reader questionHey Rita G.,I want to try anal sex with my girlfriend. Will it hurt her? Rob F., Seattle, WA rita's responseRob,C'mon, what do you think? All women are not born with the ability to take it like a porn star; it has to be... cultivated. To be very honest with you, I'm not very experienced in this area, but I once heard a porn star giving tips on how to get things crackin' back there. Tell your girlfriend to get a dildo (the mini-cone shape with the plug at the bottom) and heat it up in hot water first, then lube it and slowly work it in that tight spot. Then let her sleep with it like that overnight. The next day you should be able to pull right up and park your car in that garage without any tears -- or tears. Rita G. reader questionHi Rita G.,In your opinion, are threesomes worth all the emotional trouble? Christopher S., Atlanta, GA rita's responseChristopher,If you and your partner are swingers at heart, then knock yourself out! I just got back from Hedonism in Jamaica, and after seeing some of those couples, I can understand why they would want to spice things up with a third party! However, the average twosome is hardly ever prepared for the truckload of complications that tend to arise when you decide to scratch the ol' threesome "itch." Both partners may begin to wonder if sex without the third person is as exciting for the other, or if they satisfy them the same way. Trust often breaks down another degree when you consider that your mate might be hooking up with the new person without you since they already have "permission." It's definitely more trouble than it's worth for most, but I believe it just depends on what kind of understanding you have between the two of you -- communicate, communicate, communicate! And you should be fine. Rita G. left-field question of the weekDear Rita G.,How can a guy tell if a woman likes a cross-dresser without just asking her? It's hard for me to meet a woman in guy mode because I can't tell if she'll like or be turned off by my feminine side. Any tips for me? Ashley rita's responseAshley,Hmm -- you've got a unique dilemma on your hands, "Ashley." I assume Ashley is your female persona. I bet that, when you're just testing the waters, you'll find the average girl gets a kick out of seeing a guy squeeze his manly body into her dainty little lingerie -- mostly because you look kinda goofy, and it's funny to see you try to imitate us. However, the minute she sees you actually enjoy being feminine, she will automatically question your manhood or wonder if you are gay. I would say your chances of meeting women who are open to this behavior would be greater among women who show an interest in or have experimented with different types of fetishes. Women who may have exposure to adult-related industries (modeling, dancing, etc.) are also likely to be more familiar and thus less shocked by this behavior. You can easily introduce the subject conversationally when you are getting to know what she likes and dislikes sexually. Ask what kind of role play turns her on and off. I think as long as she feels your sexual desire for her as a woman is strong, she won't see you as less than a man. Now, if you ask her to strap on a dildo and ram you in the rear... Well, you might be just a little gay. Rita G. Reader questionHey Rita G.,How do you make a shy girl go wild? Frank L., Atlanta, GA Rita?s responseFrank,Easy -- make her trust you. It might seem like a dull answer because you want to believe all that cliche stuff about quiet/shy types being the biggest freaks. But, in truth, her willingness to be wild and freaky with you is based on how much she trusts you, not just the action. Trust is what invigorates a woman to let go of inhibitions and experiment, because most women have severe distaste for a man they can?t trust and therefore will not put themselves out there. Always being open and honest is a good start, but just having integrity is the strongest and fastest way to make someone feel they can trust you. That means just doing what you say you will do, consistently adhering to certain principles and being fair -- being a real man, basically. Rita G. Reader questionHi Rita G., What sex toy would you recommend for couples? Cameron M., Brandon, FL Rita?s responseCameron,I believe a vibrating cock ring is the best toy for couples. I haven?t tried this one personally, but it's at the top of my list because I have heard some rave reviews from everyone I know who's tried The Virtual Bunny. It's made out of ?ultra skin? material that's really soft and not rubbery at all. When the stretchy ring is placed around the base of the penis, the slight pressure restricts blood flow out of the penis and allows you to maintain a fuller, firmer erection for longer intervals. Not only does it turn you into a human vibrator, but it also stimulates her clitoris simultaneously, and women love that! Did I mention it comes with a hot picture of Tera Patrick on the cover? Rita G. Reader questionDear Rita G.,What's the most common request guys have that their partners don't want to do? Sammy K., Parker, CO Rita?s responseSammy,Much to no one's surprise the answer would have to be a menage a trois. Women often refuse this request on the basis of fears and insecurity, leaving them to wonder if they are good enough or worry that their man might enjoy the other woman more than her. But there is hope! Remember what I told you about making a woman trust you? That?s very important here. Also, there is a way to make the request so you can make it appear like it?s her idea! Always communicate your desires in the form of a question, never a demand. Here are three easy steps to gauge her temperature on the subject: 1- HOW do you feel about .......? 2- HAVE YOU ever done .........? 3- WOULD YOU like to ...........? Listen for her interest level after asking question #1 before proceeding to question #2. If there is not adequate interest on the subject, stop if you don?t want to blow what you already have with her. A less direct but equally effective route is using a third-party story, for instance, ?I have a friend who wanted to ask his girl...? and you'll be able to find out how she really feels about it without suffering any consequences if she hates the idea. It can happen for you! Good luck! Rita G. Reader questionHi Rita G.,How can a guy make himself stand out in the bedroom? Mikey P., Eugene, OR Rita?s responseMikey,Well, that depends on what kind of woman you are dealing with and what turns her on about the man she's with. Sometimes, it's a nice body or sexual prowess; sometimes it's a guy?s intelligence; and for some, it could be money. Different strokes for different women (pun intended). Many times, having a great body will give you an advantage with younger women. A guy could be a total loser, but she doesn't care because he's ?cute.? If you are dealing with an educated woman with maturity, she may go through a different thought process and not be inclined to make an emotional decision in evaluating you just because you put it down righteously in the bedroom. Personally, I am not concerned in the least with what a man has to offer me sexually if I don?t observe him to act with some honesty, integrity, character, and principles outside of the bedroom. Rita G. Reader questionRita G.,How can a guy bounce back from a poor sexual performance? Thomas R., Deer Valley, AZ Rita?s responseThomas,I?m not ashamed to say I have some personal experience in this area. In my experience, it's not abnormal for a guy to be very nervous when he is with a hot woman for the first time. Especially if he's fantasized about her, the anxiety and fear of sexual failure can stop the action before it ever gets started. In my case, I liked the guy so much that I acted like I didn?t even notice and found out he was very good with his hands and his mouth, so he got a second chance to make a first impression. I think you'll find a woman is more than willing to forgive and forget if she is really diggin' some other things about you -- so utilize all your advantages. Rita G. Read more at: http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_400/401_love_tip.html. |
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