Check out this week's sex Q&A with Rita G.
When it comes to sex advice, it helps if you can trust where the advice is coming from. So, rather than offering you a clinical take from an “expert” reminiscent of your great aunt Betty, we’d like to introduce you to our special guest columnist Rita G., a Playboy model, hip-hop video vixen and Howard Stern favorite. If you’re looking for straight-up sex advice from the kind of broad you’d actually want to hook up with, Rita G. has all the answers -- and she isn’t holding back.
reader question
Hey Rita G.,
What’s a good dirty-talk phrase that will work on every woman?
Darryl D., Washington, D.C.
rita's response Darryl,
Since most men are born with a bigger sexual vocabulary than women, it's probably more helpful if I tell you what not to say: For instance, my friend overheard her husband watching porn (not a problem), and later that night, during sex, he started repeating exactly the same phrases the guy in the porn was using -- that's a problem!
I got my Ph.D in talking dirty, and I can tell you that no one phrase works for every girl because you don't want to be formulaic. What works is when you just give yourself permission to say what you're already thinking, but be descriptive enough (what, where, why, and who) so she knows why her round, perky tits drive you wild -- not just any tits. For example, say, "I wanna explode every time you touch my penis like that," or "Your ass looks so juicy! Can I have a bite?" And if you want to inspire some reciprocity from your mate, pick up a book of erotic poetry (like my friend Billie Simone's book, suite 69) and get each other aroused by reading the lusty words together, then try writing your own. You'll be well on your way to learning the language of "naughty."
Rita G.
reader question Dear Rita G.,
Is there one thing men should be less shy about in the bedroom?
Allan M., Tampa Bay, FL
rita's response Allan,
That's funny. Personally, I haven't really known a man to be shy about anything in the bedroom. However, I know plenty of women who would tell men not to be shy or hesitant about oral sex. I find most men are eager to nibble on that one-of-a-kind entree when there's more of an emotional attachment going on. And even in those circumstances, they admit to being meticulously concerned with the appearance, smell and taste, which makes perfect sense -- I've seen some pussies that hurt your eyes just to look at 'em. Just like food, we rarely want to eat something that looks disgusting. So tell your lady friend that keeping her pussy well groomed, clean and smelling fresh will ensure that you never shy away from giving her this pleasure.
Rita G. reader question
Hey Rita G.,
I want to try anal sex with my girlfriend. Will it hurt her?
Rob F., Seattle, WA
rita's response Rob,
C'mon, what do you think? All women are not born with the ability to take it like a porn star; it has to be... cultivated. To be very honest with you, I'm not very experienced in this area, but I once heard a porn star giving tips on how to get things crackin' back there. Tell your girlfriend to get a dildo (the mini-cone shape with the plug at the bottom) and heat it up in hot water first, then lube it and slowly work it in that tight spot. Then let her sleep with it like that overnight. The next day you should be able to pull right up and park your car in that garage without any tears -- or tears.
Rita G.
reader question
Hi Rita G.,
In your opinion, are threesomes worth all the emotional trouble?
Christopher S., Atlanta, GA
rita's response Christopher,
If you and your partner are swingers at heart, then knock yourself out! I just got back from Hedonism in Jamaica, and after seeing some of those couples, I can understand why they would want to spice things up with a third party! However, the average twosome is hardly ever prepared for the truckload of complications that tend to arise when you decide to scratch the ol' threesome "itch."
Both partners may begin to wonder if sex without the third person is as exciting for the other, or if they satisfy them the same way. Trust often breaks down another degree when you consider that your mate might be hooking up with the new person without you since they already have "permission." It's definitely more trouble than it's worth for most, but I believe it just depends on what kind of understanding you have between the two of you -- communicate, communicate, communicate! And you should be fine.
Rita G.
left-field question of the week
Dear Rita G.,
How can a guy tell if a woman likes a cross-dresser without just asking her? It's hard for me to meet a woman in guy mode because I can't tell if she'll like or be turned off by my feminine side. Any tips for me?
Ashley
rita's response Ashley,
Hmm -- you've got a unique dilemma on your hands, "Ashley." I assume Ashley is your female persona. I bet that, when you're just testing the waters, you'll find the average girl gets a kick out of seeing a guy squeeze his manly body into her dainty little lingerie -- mostly because you look kinda goofy, and it's funny to see you try to imitate us. However, the minute she sees you actually enjoy being feminine, she will automatically question your manhood or wonder if you are gay. I would say your chances of meeting women who are open to this behavior would be greater among women who show an interest in or have experimented with different types of fetishes.
Women who may have exposure to adult-related industries (modeling, dancing, etc.) are also likely to be more familiar and thus less shocked by this behavior. You can easily introduce the subject conversationally when you are getting to know what she likes and dislikes sexually. Ask what kind of role play turns her on and off. I think as long as she feels your sexual desire for her as a woman is strong, she won't see you as less than a man. Now, if you ask her to strap on a dildo and ram you in the rear... Well, you might be just a little gay.
Rita G.
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