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The Male Pill & More

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Learn about the male pill & more

we want the pill

I read an article about a male contraceptive pill. Where can I get this? Where can I find out more about it?

Ben

Hi Ben,

A male contraceptive pill has been in the works for more than three decades now. What's taking so long? Well, from a scientific standpoint, a male pill is much more difficult to develop than the female version. After all, to achieve birth control in a woman, one only need block one egg a month. To do the same in a man would require shutting down each and every of the roughly 100 million sperm that are produced a day. Furthermore, this high degree of effectiveness would have to be achieved with minimal side effects.

In spite of such obstacles, the pharmaceutical industry has been pursuing a male contraceptive aggressively in recent years, driven by the knowledge that men account for nearly a third of the market (even though women have a much wider range of options).

With the recent announcement that the National Institute of Child Health and Development will be assisting federal agencies and drug companies in this field of development, many now expect to see a male pill on the market in the next five years.

Don't expect it to take the form of an actual "pill," however. The general trend in recent research indicates that the first male contraceptive will probably be an implant of female hormones, topped with monthly testosterone injections to offset their side effects.

Donald Zimmer

too much space

My wife raves about our sex life and about my penis, which seems to be above the average size. We have both measured my erect penis, and it measures just shy of 6.5 inches and is nearly 6 inches around. From everything I can gather, I don't have a tiny penis, but it really doesn't feel that way during sex. I feel like my penis is about the size of my pinkie when I'm inside her. My wife is a small woman, 5'6" and about 125 pounds, who hasn't had children, but I can't begin to fill her up.

I am in my early 20s and still have significant sensitivity, but I don't feel a thing during sex. Is there anything I can do to feel some sensation during sex? Is there something I can do to make sex more pleasurable for her? Thanks for your help!

Nathan

Nathan,

This doesn't seem to be a question of a lack of girth on your end, but perhaps rather an excess of it on hers. Given that, let's look at how we can increase sensitivity and pleasure for both you and her:

Sometimes simply switching up positions will do a world of good. There's no regimen of positions that I can prescribe here; it will be a matter of trial and error on your part.
Kegel exercises will strengthen her pelvic floor muscles, allowing for increased sensitivity and better orgasms. While Kegel exercises won't actually decrease the size of her vagina, they can make its opening tighter. Men can do them too, leading to increased sexual performance.
Weighted vaginal cones and electrical stimulation can also be used to strengthen these muscles.
In extreme cases, some physicians may recommend surgery to repair an overstretched vagina.

Donald Zimmer

get her off

How do I get my wife to reach orgasm? She is 33 and never had one.

Rod

Rod,

If your sex sessions are anything like your sentences -- short and blunt -- I can understand why your wife is having problems. Seriously speaking, there are a number of reasons that may account for her inability to reach orgasm. This may be the result of a medical condition, which only a physician could diagnose. More likely, though, this is a problem that can be treated at home.

The notion that "the mind is the most powerful sex organ" has become something of a cliche, but for a good reason -- it's true. Yet, just as one's imagination can make for connubial bliss, thought patterns can also act as an obstacle to sexual pleasure. As it's a persistent problem, chances are that your wife's thoughts regarding orgasm are negative ones. During intercourse, rather than focusing on the feelings and sensations she is experiencing, she may be dwelling on the anticipated result -- or, rather, the unanticipated result.

Another thing to keep in mind is that roughly 70% of women cannot experience orgasm through penetration alone. That's to say that foreplay is a crucial part of the equation, and only she can tell you the particular kind that gets her motor running. Before achieving orgasm with a partner, many females need to do so alone, through masturbation. This is the ideal means for her to learn what satisfies her sexually.

Let's not put it all on your poor wife, though. Maybe you're just not up to par in the sack.

Donald Zimmer

enemas and more

My boyfriend wants anal sex performed on him. I suggested that we use a small vibrator and work up to a larger one. He enjoys all kinds of sex toys (we both do). He has purchased a whip and said he could ejaculate by being spanked. We also want to try an enema before the anal sex. My fantasy is to see him have sex with another male -- he is open to this, with the right male (and a condom).

Are we going about things the right way, or should we just rush into it and see what works? As you can assume, he likes me to dominate him, but sometimes we switch.

Heather

Hi Heather,

I'm not entirely clear as to what you're asking me, but as most of your questions involve your boyfriend's curiosity regarding anal sex, let's focus on the safety issues surrounding that.

First off, your plans on administering an enema. It's important that this is something that you do not "just rush into" -- quite literally. Most people can handle anywhere from four to 12 cups of liquid in their colon, taken at a pace of about one cup per minute. You'll want to use filtered, unchlorinated water to prevent harming the colon lining, and any type of chemical ingredients should be avoided like the plague. Temperature is another factor you'll need to take into account: Excessively hot water can cause tissue damage, while cold water will make for a painful experience.

The old adage "Fools rush in" applies to anal sex, as well. Your idea to work your way through using progressively larger sex toys first is a good one; you may even want to precede this with finger stimulation. This process won't just be a matter of preparing the colon physically, but also of preparing your boyfriend mentally.

If he isn't comfortable with the act upon engaging in it, the opening will tighten up, making penetration extremely difficult. And don't forget to use plenty of lubricant -- unlike your vagina, your boyfriend's colon is not a natural source of lubrication.

Donald Zimmer

the morality police

I'm really confused. It seems like nowadays pornography is a huge part of everyday life, and everyone sees no problem watching it or talking about porn stars. But then there's always the talk of, "If you watch porn you're sick, perverted, obsessed, will be abusive, crude... etc." So, my question is: Is it bad to enjoy watching porn once in a while?

It appears that many people are anti-porn and are very disgusted by it, yet Jenna Jameson and a lot of other porn stars are making it mainstream and raking in the moolah in the process. Please enlighten me with your opinion!

Phillip

Phillip,

You're quite right, Phillip -- pornography has undergone something of a transformation in the cultural consciousness in recent years. And considering Ms. Jameson's recent spate of media appearances, I think few would contest that idea.

Here's a funny thought: A scant 30 years ago, the female clitoris was generally not acknowledged as the locus of orgasms. In fact, many thought females to be devoid of any capacity for sexual pleasure. This wasn't so much the product of an absence of knowledge as it was one of societal mores at the time. The belief that females were incapable of achieving any equivalent of a male orgasm alleviated the expectations for both partners.

Try telling your girlfriend to not expect an orgasm on these grounds today, and you're likely to get her response right in the jaw. Yet sexual liberation hasn't been restricted to the fairer sex -- hence the proliferation of sex shops, swinger clubs and, as you indicated, the pornography industry. We seem to have reached a point in our moral evolution where we acknowledge sex as something to be indulged in for pleasure alone, and as an act that need not be kept under wraps or inspire shame.

There are some who even argue that the more hedonistic approach to sex is a normal human tendency; that it is, in fact, unnatural to restrict the act to procreation alone. While this argument is a bit of a slippery slope, I can think of one historical tidbit that supports it: Before our lifetimes, the production and private consumption of pornographic material was at its height during the Victorian era, the period wherein sex was most strongly frowned upon. There's some food for thought.

Donald Zimmer

keeping things temperate

I love my girlfriend to death; to me there is not a single female on the planet more beautiful than she is. Lately we have been getting more intimate in our relationship, although we are not yet ready to go all the way. However, it seems my brain believes it is always time for sex when I am with her, and I begin to get an erection. This usually results in me trying to hide my crotch area and becoming very uncomfortable, even detached from what is going on between us at the moment. All I can focus on is trying to suppress the erection, taking my attention away from where it should be: on her.

She has often told me to lie down and tried to get on top of me, which would be great, except I always have to prevent it from happening for fear of "rising" to the occasion. I am worried she will start to wonder what my problem is and become less interested in me. Please tell me: What are some ways I can keep my cool down below when the action upstairs heats up?

Brandon

Hi Brandon,

First off, your girlfriend should be flattered that she can elicit such a response out of you. But I understand that she may not, as you and I do, understand that what you are experiencing is a perfectly healthy reaction -- the frequency of which many older men would envy.

There's only one way to tackle this topic, and that's directly. If you try to conceal it and behave as if you have something to hide or be ashamed of, she may start to believe that you have reason to. After all, without the underlying knowledge, she has only your behavior to guide her.

I'm not suggesting that you raise the topic over a romantic dinner one night. But the next time something unexpected pops up, point it out to her (no, not literally). Explain that you're embarrassed when it does happen, even though you know it's a normal thing that will be easier to control with age and accumulated sexual experience. Through explaining your own feelings, you can do a lot to inform her.

Donald Zimmer

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